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True

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I walked on

And

I watched the

Eagles fly.

I hear the whoosh of the air

On their wings as they glide overhead.

The higher they go

The stronger my heartbeat.

And I heard the brush rustle

Nearby,

Turning just in time

To see 3 deer leaping into my path.

Alert and tentative.

For a moment I expect to see a predator on their heels.

But no.

And we gaze into each others eyes for what seems like time indefinite .

And i feel that whole lifetime of anxiety leave my bones.

Stillness fills my cells.

My mind clears and my heart swells.

Peace. I am as i am meant to be.

I find myself by the river where I immerse myself in nature’s song.

I become the water and the stones who mean

Each other no harm.

They merely add to the symphony.

As do I;

I know.

This is true.

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Sometimes

I believe i am well

Then i get this twisted gut

And this crooked eye

And they both dig into me deep

Dredging and pulling

Till they find something to ridicule

Laughing

And pointing

Mocking

And they dance with joy

As i swing and miss

Then retreat

Down

Down

Under reality

Into the depths of my mind

Where there is shelter

And silence

But

Not oxygen.

Perpetual space.

Curiosity

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Memories.

Playing in my grandparents old farmhouse.

Looking outside through the window.

“Do not play at the window child. Do not touch

The stick holding the window open. Go outside”

Curiosity always ruled me.

Itchy fingers and dreamy mind wondering what could happen this time.

So closer I moved.

What is this mighty stick doing I may not touch?

Holding up the heavy window frame I realized to late

As it slammed down unapologetically on my my little hand.

Tears stinging my eyes to my surprise.

Swollen and bruised hand now but

“That’s what you get when you do not listen child. Now go outside and play.

Stay on the grass. Do not leave the yard.”

I would proceed to play barefoot and roam the boundaries I was told not to go.

Skin now pierced by prickly burs. Tears again.

“If we told you once, we told you twice. Now child why don’t you listen.”

Once more I wander places I ought not go. Family visiting outside stop to hear my cry.

Me confronted.

A large snake poised up to meet my eyes. I stood frozen.

“Don’t move a muscle!”

And they interfere with my curiosity. I am safe now in big sisters arms.

” Why don’t you listen child? There is danger and boundaries you mustn’t cross. We know better as we have lived longer.”

I did not understand their language it seems.

Just Remember

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Daddy’s crying

Momma’s lying

What am I supposed to do?

My little heart is searching

For a simple smile or two.

My little hands can’t fix it,

That’s what band aides

Usually do.

………………….

Just Remember

Come November

Whatever has come and gone,

This little girl

Loved

Her Momma and Daddy

All along.

………………..

The gun was fired.

Momma’s tired.

Daddy doesn’t know what went wrong.

Seems they thought they were all grown up

When they were only playing house

All along.

Fill in a  couple of bullet holes.

Pretend they are all gone.

We’ll keep singing your pretty song.

Daddy holds on to the past,

Momma’s drinking makes it last.

Once the gun was smoking

We were left holding

Illusions in the air.

…………..

Come November

Just remember

*originally published December 2013

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