Author Archives: choleintodiamonds



I stepped outside

And it hit me like a wave;

The smell of fresh dirt;

The forest floor and raspberries.

Fresh raspberries.

Right there on the cement

Surrounded by cars and buildings.

Heartfelt memories tugging.


A scent that cannot be duplicated by man.

I knew instantly in my heart it was my father,

Gone 20 years now.

I was taken back to childhood

Days and picking delicious raspberries in the woods;

Eating more than ended up in the bowl.

I composed myself and

Walked to my car.

Sitting in the front seat;

Missing him.

I turned the key to start the


And there was his song playing.

The one my siblings and I requested on the Radio station the day of his funeral.

I am glad he reminds me he is near.




Is it not amazing

That your soul has awakened to things

My soul has not

And visa versa?

Here we are learning from each other with every


Every moment.

We are like puzzle pieces to this

Big, beautiful

Tumultuous puzzle of life.

Different colors, shapes and sizes

Fitting together to create

A mind blowing,

Breath catching


If we so choose.



You must have been an


A made up someone in my


For I wandered these stone stairwells


I roamed through

Winters withering garden

Following your song.

I knew I should find shelter,

Somewhere to warm my core.

But once outside I could return

Inside no more


I was met with barred windows and

Locked doors.

I found you in the courtyard.

I tried to reach you.

Touch you.

You vanished as I approached.

My fingers now cold and frozen,


Left dreaming in the fog with ghosts and snowflakes.

And I remained alone

As I was all


I must have mistaken the

Wind howling through

Windows and doors,


Winters garden

For your song.

Originally posted on October 20, 2015



The logical mind brushes it off,

The serendipity,

The coincidence.

The pulling.

Magnetism that keeps drawing us closer.

The dreams unexplained,

That make no sense to the mind

But send the heart higher into

Time undefined.



A familiarity in your smile,

Your eyes.

The sound of your laughter.

My skin ignites at the thought

Of your song in my my head,

In my mouth.



End of the line.

I met my divine nature;

The truth glaring at me.

A reflection

In a puddle of mud.

I stomp on the ground sending

Ripples through time,

The grit sticking to my heels

Making my steps heavier than

I thought possible.

My mind now stuck,

Held in unmoving animation.

Sucked into a substance

Soft and cement,

Oxygen creating suction


Sweat trickles down into

The ground,

Pouring out



Of all I ever believed.

Blind Sided


For weeks on end I feel like a storm.

I want to laugh

But i want to cry.

I want to scream but i do not

Wish to be heard.

And my head hurts.

It won’t stop talking to me,

Correcting me.

I get side swiped.

Knocked over.

Blind sided.

Sucked into the old patterns in my brain,

(You are Not good enough)

I try to catch the thoughts before they get organized enough to seize it all.

I cannot speak.

Noises explode in my brain.

Over stimulated and agitated.

Even my beloved music is turned off for the day.

The animals pile on me.

They know i need a different kind of warmth,

One the sun cannot provide.

I am in need of a different kind of symphony

To soothe my heart and head,

My breath, my senses;

My laughter.

A coo of insanity.

And my gut gets knotted

And the tears try to break free

(How stupid you must be)

I have to find me.