Monthly Archives: January 2018

Liquidation

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End of the line.

I met my divine nature;

The truth glaring at me.

A reflection

In a puddle of mud.

I stomp on the ground sending

Ripples through time,

The grit sticking to my heels

Making my steps heavier than

I thought possible.

My mind now stuck,

Held in unmoving animation.

Sucked into a substance

Soft and cement,

Oxygen creating suction

Strong.

Sweat trickles down into

The ground,

Pouring out

A

Liquidation

Of all I ever believed.

Blind Sided

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For weeks on end I feel like a storm.

I want to laugh

But i want to cry.

I want to scream but i do not

Wish to be heard.

And my head hurts.

It won’t stop talking to me,

Correcting me.

I get side swiped.

Knocked over.

Blind sided.

Sucked into the old patterns in my brain,

(You are Not good enough)

I try to catch the thoughts before they get organized enough to seize it all.

I cannot speak.

Noises explode in my brain.

Over stimulated and agitated.

Even my beloved music is turned off for the day.

The animals pile on me.

They know i need a different kind of warmth,

One the sun cannot provide.

I am in need of a different kind of symphony

To soothe my heart and head,

My breath, my senses;

My laughter.

A coo of insanity.

And my gut gets knotted

And the tears try to break free

(How stupid you must be)

I have to find me.

Glow

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His glow in the dark heart.

That is how I find him

Lifetime to lifetime.

Drawn to his heat signature with sensors

Internal.

Pulsating senses;

A beat unique

Underneath it all.

A calling signaling our unspoken names.

Unite.

Untie each others minds from tethers and chains;

Worldly restraints.

Stop.

Here in the vibration of stillness

Is the cure.

Ravens

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There is a lump in my throat today

(Cannot seem to spit it out).

I used up all of my adrenaline

A long time ago.

(Fight or flight)

Everyone is in such a hurry here.

They speed up when the light is

Red

Just to slam on their brakes and

It makes no sense.

I long to return to the mountains

And hear the ravens call my name.

(They know me well)

Summer Dreams

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Summer dreams.

I think of them as my

Feet

Step on and crunch

The crispy leaves that have fallen on this path

Before me.

The lucky ones fall to the forest floor

Where no human

Makes their way.

The lucky ones;

Reabsorbed into the

Dirt.

.

I will tuck those dreams in for the winter,

To sleep now

And reawaken them in spring;

Though maybe they will have changed by then.

We might not know each other anymore,

These summer dreams and I.

Recreating

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And he is doing it again,

Recreating

This enlivening within me.

Dissolving.

Peeling petals back one by one.

I try to hold it down,

Keep suppressing

The fluttering inside.

I close my eyes;

I sense

Him checking my pulse;

His fingers upon my

Wrist;

His

Ear upon my chest.

Feeling,

Listening

To see if i am still here

And i am grateful.

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One, two,

I am going to move today.

3, 4,

Maybe if I just roll over.

Watching my arm dangle

Off the edge of the bed,

Thinking of letting myself fall.

I wish Narnia

Was in my wardrobe.

I used to hide in the closet when I was little.

I felt safe in the dark hidden behind

The garments.

(If I was out of sight I could be forgotten)

Then,

At night I would get comfy in my blankets and plan my

Dreams before I closed my eyes.

I planned every detail;

which characters would join me, where we would go,

Who would be friend or foe.

It was fantastical.

I was usually a character in a book I read

And

I always created amazing adventures.

Comforting fantasies of exploring, friendship and love.

I hated waking up.