She stood staring at the monument,
Her mind taken back
Was that the same wind blowing through her hair
On a day so very long ago?
Has it just been traveling the world;
Been out there somewhere waiting to hear her heart beat again?
Now she was
Afraid to turn around.
Not ready to leave,
Fearful the tears would fall
And a passerby would stare.
They would most likely
Assume she must be drunk or out of her mind.
No, she teetered on the edge and almost plunged
Just plain sad. People do not like to see that
Before I remember,
When i began to walk
I started carrying your disappointment and Fear
On my back.
And when my staggering posture became noticeable
Carefully moved it
Behind my ribcage
Between my heart and my stomach,
Rearranging my insides for you.
It was almost impossible to breathe,
Impossible to eat.
Though I thought that is what good children do.
As I grew I realized
You did it for your mother and father too.
This was all you knew.
I am grateful we broke our hearts open.
We broke the silence.
Momma would pick up the violin
When her heart was breaking.
And the strings she would play
Until her fingers,
They were aching.
And her tears
Made the melody
Flow from her soul.
Even though I was young,
I felt it in my blood.
The love and the hate.
The longing and yearning
As it echoed from impossible
* originally posted May 2014*
It can happen
You forget you had beautiful dreams
And a fantastic morning.
You might not recall that you have a wonderful
Life for a moment too
When your heart
Those generational ghosts you bring forward;
Those in your own heart and mind which no Longer
We are teaching children to fear them.
We are born fearless.
We are born fresh and
We are born free of past regrets.
Do not dump your unhealed bits on them, the Children.
Lessons abound from the past. Still, let us refrain from planting our pain in the child’s heart.
I step through the
And feel the ghosts.
They want to crawl under my skin
To make a home in my veins.
They want to cling to the walls of my heart,
Stop me in my tracks.
Look back girl!”
I do not know how to stifle
I turn round
Struggling to face myself in the mirror,
Expecting to see my child self.
I look up to see Mamas eyes
Instead of me.
And her voice in my mind over and over,
“I love you, but I do not like you.”
i would like to ask her what she truly meant
But she is dead and gone.
I cannot help but wonder if she would still feel the same today.