Battle

The battle is real

Should i have a glass of wine

Or

Climb in the closet, shut the door and

Sit in the dark?

Teetering on the edge

Of laughter and screams.

Rocking to and fro.

I must remember why i

Am here.
I love so deep

But do not think i am so

Fragile.

My jaw has met fist amongst other things.

Shadows call even though there be

Light

And friendly faces on the street.

Apathy Creeping at my feet.

Once again I retreat from

The invisible forces.
Battling

Battling

With those formless thought shifters.

“Go away!” I say as my worth is not in

Their ungrateful hands.

I write truth on the wall.

I must remember why i am here.
I close my eyes once more and am

Taken to the red dirt

Where I kneel.

Home feels so far but there

It is in my heart. My heart.

How could I forget. Wallowing

In my fears.

I know why i am here.
I let them

Get in my head. I let them twist my mind.

Deplorable thoughts have no control.

Thoughts cannot condemn my soul.

I know why i am here.

Do i?

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Never Know

I never know what to say.
I do not know what to say.

So I write

To

The pages beneath my fingertips

For they hold my heart

In confidence.

Here,

On paper,

I may laugh or cry without saying a word.

Many Days

Many hours

Even music cannot fill the darkness.

So in silence I sit,

In silence

I am full.

Many days my heart is too heavy,

My sight barricades itself

I have not the strength to lift

My

Pen and place it to paper

Or my eyes to sunlight.

I sit in darkness.

In darkness I rest.

And I sink

Beyond my knees to earth.

Beyond touch of hand

Or restless thoughts

Where I lie.

For I do not even whisper there,

I do not not even cry.

Bliss

I  tremble internally
At your touch.
My body sings,
It cries.
I cannot speak.
Your name is
My heartbeat
Itself.
I close my eyes
I feel you there.
Every atom of you
Merging with mine.
And here is bliss
Beyond any
Knowing we have
Felt.
The endless ache is no longer.

Learning to Breathe.

I am learning to breathe

Again

Eyes to the sky.

I am learning to breathe again

Eyes to the sky.

I have stopped asking why.

Embracing these feelings,

Allowing myself to cry.

Allowing myself to laugh.

I am learning to breathe again.

Soul to the sky.

In between

He’s the in between.

Born on the cusp.

He is winter in spring.

A flower blooming in the frigid cold,

Not sure where to go…..

He shines a light all his own.

Smiles to share yet

He cries alone.

On gilded wings she’s watched

Him fly too close to the sun.

So here she waits

Ready to catch him,

Ready to hold him

When he falls.

Wings singed;

Heart-tired he falls heavy.

She sings softly now

Cradling him in the in between.

Sharing her breath until he can

Breathe on his own once again.

Instead

I dreamt a dream of times past;

Of you and I.

And I was overwhelmed with

Emotion.

I began to weep.

How can my heart be light yet heavy at once?

Thinking to capture you

I reach for pen and paper.

To write you down.

To read you forever.

But,

The ink had run dry.

To tired and weary to rise from my bed

I kept the memories

Lit inside me.

I placed my head on my pillow

And went back to dreaming instead .